The Specialist's Opinion

I saw my specialist yesterday so I'm going to try to write a run-down of everything he said. The appointment was over an hour so forgive me if I miss something. He is glad to see that I have improved in some areas (pain, muscle control and weakness, fatigue, insomnia, vision problems, etc) but puzzled by why I have gotten much worse in other areas (heart problems, headaches, and the feeling of passing out). He does feel that once I find the right antibiotic my heart problems will go away on their own. He has switched my antibiotic again but he said that if this one doesn't work I'm going to have to consider IV antibiotics through a PICC line (see information here). I really do not want to go this route so I'm asking you all to pray that I don't have to. The other option, which seems much better to me but he doesn't feel is as effective, would be to receive the same medication through shots rather than the IV. He said that his research shows these shots are at least 2% less effective than the IV but I feel like 2% isn't that big of a number. Also, he wants to adjust a few of my medications to see if he can fix the passing-out feeling. Over the next couple months I will be phasing in some new medications and phasing out some old ones. Overall I have improved since my first visit with him so I have confidence that he knows what he's doing and that I will eventually get better.

The past couple weeks I have seen a lot of my prayers answered in unexpected but wonderful ways and that gives me so much hope. Dream BIg!!

Please pray with me that this new antibiotic works and I can avoid the IVs. Please also pray that I can graciously accept the changes in my life and turn them into something positive. Thank you for being there for me and never giving up!

Knock-Knock

Who's There?

I have recently placed a counter on here because I was curious about whether or not anyone was actually reading this. Now I know that people are because my number keeps going up by a few each day. What I want to know is who you are. Just leave a comment on this post so that I know who I'm writing to. Thanks!!

God put us here ...

These are some of the lyrics from "The Wheel of the World" on Carrie Underwood's new CD, Carnival Ride. It's a great song that has a lot of meaning for me. Over the past couple years I have felt like I was on a carnival ride with all of the twists and turns that my life has taken. I can honestly say that I never would have put myself in this place and time but this is where God has chosen to place me. I am so humbled by the fact that when I quit trying to control my life and let Him take over the most amazing and beautiful things happen. This song will now be a continual reminder that God is in control through the highs and lows and the twists and turns of my crazy life.

God put us here on this carnival ride.
We close our eyes, never knowing where it'll take us next...
Its the wheel of the world turning around...
In the blink of an eye, it can change your life.
And it never even slows down...
It can open your heart, it can break you apart.
And it never even slows down.
Its the wheel of the world turning around.

Well .....

According to the initial report, my echocardiogram was normal. Most of you will think that this is good news, and in a sense it is. However, I can feel that there are abnormalities so I know that this can't actually be the case. I may have to wait until I go back to the doctor in March but I'm going to figure out what's going on. I need answers and I'm not going to stop until I get them.

Have a great weekend!

Matters of the Heart

I haven't purposefully avoided posting about my ongoing heart issues, but I wanted to wait until I had something substantial. I saw the doctor last week that was recommended by my friend (see earlier post). After a thorough exam and actually listening to me rather than jumping to his own conclusions, he said that he heard at least one heart murmur and possibly a second one but he couldn't be sure. He wanted me to have some further testing so I went in this morning for an echocardiogram. So far, I do not have the results of this test. (A nice added benefit of working at the hospital where I had my tests is that I can look up my record without having to wait the week that is standard for results in non-emergency cases.) The doctor also recommended that I stop taking one of my medications and explained the reasoning behind it due to some recent blood tests. This is the same medication that the extremely incompetent ER doctor told me to stop but wouldn't tell me why. When I talked with my specialist after that he said that it was OK for me to stop taking it. I haven't noticed any positive changes but they said that it might take awhile. Speaking of the specialist, I have an appointment with him on Tuesday morning. I'm anxious to see him and fill him in on what has been happening over the past couple months. If you recall, last time I saw him he said that I was improving quickly and that he might be able to take me off some medications at this upcoming visit. Seeing as how I have declined over the past 2-3 months I doubt that will actually happen. I am hoping to go back on the first antibiotic that I was on since it seemed to do the most good. I know that most of this is rambling but I figured that I should keep you, the blog world, informed.

I am betting that when most people saw the title to this post they were hoping for some juicy gossip about a new relationship or love interest. Sorry to disappoint you, but I have nothing to report at the time being. ;)

I'll post as soon as I have results from the test. Have a great weekend!

Hot Chocolate

The following is an e-mail that I received today that really spoke to me. I think that way too often we get caught up in how things appear to other people rather than concentrating on what's inside. I hope that you can all reflect positively on your "hot chocolate" and live joyously!

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was the hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups."

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us.

God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything that they have.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And, enjoy your hot chocolate!!

Siblings

I love my brother and sister very much and I miss them both so much when we aren't together. I honestly think that we could all hang out everyday and not get sick of each other. We are very lucky to have such great relationships with each other. It hasn't always been that way but as we get older we continue to get closer. I would consider them to be my 2 best friends in the world. I am so happy for the both of them that they have found wonderful spouses and are deliriously in love. We are no longer 3 siblings, we are now 5. Maybe someday we will be 6 if I could get my act together but it won't be for a long time so don't hold your breath. I don't have pictures from the wedding yet but here's a picture of the 3 of us. I love you guys!!

Bits & Pieces

It's going to be a long weekend so I wanted to update before it gets too crazy. I am still having the irregularities with my heart and after speaking with the friend of mine who also has Lyme's Disease and heart problems I have an appointment scheduled for January 15th. This doctor is not a cardiologist but my friend knows him and recommended him. When I called to schedule the appointment I told the receptionist that all I wanted was a request from him to have an echocardiogram so I hope that we can get it accomplished on the first visit and I can get this thing under control. I also have a check-up with my specialist coming up at the end of the month so I will be able to follow up with him at that time. As for right now I have lowered the dose on one of my medications and it has not helped. I also abstained from caffeine for over a week as suggested by the ER doctor and did nothing to help so I'm not really worrying about that too much either.

The Health & Wellness program that I have been working on since I started my job back in July is finally ready to launch. We will officially kick-off on February 1st, but starting tomorrow I will be travelling to other facilities and presenting the information to the staff so that they understand the program and it's goals. It will be really nice when I can actually do the work instead of having meetings about how to do the work.

Tomorrow night is another big event for my family. My little brother is getting married. They have been together for several years so it won't really seem all that different but now it will be official. After the wedding and a short honeymoon they will be headed back to Arkansas to start their last year of college. It will be nice to see some old friends at the wedding before they leave to go back to school and jobs across the country.

On Saturday I'm hoping to rest and spend time with one of my oldest friends. We never get to spend enough time together since we are both so busy. On Sunday some friends from work are having a small theme party to commemorate the return of American Gladiators, it should be very entertaining.

Have a great weekend and try to stay warm!

Reflections and Resolutions

I don't remember if I made specific resolutions for last year but I'm sure that if I did they would have been something like this: 1) Just make it through the year, 2) Exercise, 3) Eat healthier. If we count success for the year only by a number of accomplished resolutions, then 2007 would have been a smashing success. However, I don't think that is a very good measurement. I feel like the past year was the worst of my life, right up there with 2006. It has been a really rough couple years for me but I'm hoping that 2008 is the year to finally turn it around.

Starting out last year I had a great job, a beautiful new house, wonderful friends , family a long way away, and a lot of opportunities. By the middle of the year I was unemployed, homeless, close to only a few friends but back with my family. At the end of the year I had another good job, a loving place to live with my grandmother, still the same beautiful house but now it's vacant and sad, a few new friends, and a couple really old friends. Throughout it all I have had the strength of the Lord to keep me fighting for health and stability. I can honestly say that I would not be here if it weren't for my faith in God and the many, many prayers of my friends and family.

In 2008 I am looking forward to continued improvement in my health and more stability in my life. I think (and hope) that this will be another year of transitions and new experiences which I am really looking forward to. Since I got sick almost 3 years ago I feel like I have been stuck in a rut. This is the year that I want to break out and try new things. I am determined to rise above my circumstances and be a more positive person. So, without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2008.

1) Read the Bible everyday, 2)Be positive in all circumstances, 3) Try new experiences, 4) Exercise, 5) Eat healthy, 6) Make more friends, 7) Be open to the possibility of love