This Is My Life

What do you do when you realize that the world you are living in is not the world you dreamed of or even the world you remember creating? This isn't the life I pictured. Not even close. It's been so long that I don't really remember what that world looked like, just how I felt when I was actually a part of it. That feeling was a belonging; it was safety; it was hope.
How do I go back? How do I start over? Can I? Do I really want to? Where do I find the world that has a place for me in it? I feel like a puzzle piece in the wrong box. I know that I belong somewhere but I don't know where to look. Maybe I am in the right box but I got turned around or flipped over . . . how do I figure it out without causing a bigger mess?
I have spent my life trying to not disappoint other people. In the process I have disappointed myself most of all. How is it possible to lose who you are and not realize it? How do you get so off track that you don't know what the track looks like? How do you go about fixing it all without any frame of reference? Where can I go from here? How do you learn to live in the moment? How do you dream of a future when you can't understand the past?
The song by Switchfoot asks this question:

"Don't close your eyes, this is your life. Are you who you want to be?

This is your life, is it everything that you dreamed it would be

when the world was younger, and you had everything to lose?"

The simple answer .... no.